I called up a good friend of mine who had been out of town with the swine flu for a week and also needed some heavy drinking in her life, lets call her Ms. Piggy for the purpose of this blog.
After picking her up, we we went to the liquor store and headed back to my apartment where we got ready for the night. We were drinking cheap wine, and talking about boys and life and how drunk we were going to get when we found out there was no pond parties that night. The Gilbert boys were gone to mount pearl, other people were gone to a strangers house party, the rest of my friends had no plans. I was pissed and continued drinking wine while smoking in excess.
One thing I am not is a failure and as such i refused to let that night fail and suck. I become prepared to do basically anything. Ms.Piggy's friends from carbonear were partying in a hotel room and thinking about going bar hopping later. What does Vicky say? "HECK YES!"
Strangers can only stay strangers for so long, after an hour or so of hotel room partying, we were all buddies and ready to hit George Street.
The taxi driver who picked us up seemed contrary as shit, but I wouldnt let his coontrary ways affect my night. I get way too much joy out of playing with people and their emotions so I told him he looked contrary as shit and should smile more. He smiled a lot more, and in fact, he must have taken a liking to me because he gave me 4 free admissions to the cotton club, a local strip bar. I knew my destination at this point.
Stop one, cotton club. I should mention also, I told Ms.Piggy I was going to get into bars and my fake id would work, I told her I would see titties, i would see a band, i would dance a lot, and I would get very drunk and it would be an awesome night. At the cotton club I managed to have three of these things come true.
I always thought strip joints just showed titties. No ma'am. I sat down at the table that surrounded the stage and was immediately presented with a gorgeous woman's pussy in my face. A large portion of the strippers were attractive black girls, and oh baby, I caught jungle fever. They say we don't currently have a very good economy, but I personally think that last night I was getting very high quality for 5 bucks a pop.
Take a step back for a second, my id actually worked. If you seen my id, it's hilarious. It looked nothing fucking like me, I took off my glasses, smiled and it some how fucking worked. Okay so far my fake id worked, I was seeing so much ass and titties, a guy I met at the hotel party bought me a drink, I got in for free. Now I meet a nice old man who teaches me the ropes.
Five dollar bill, flash it over the bar a little and she will notice. You will get your face covered in titties, you will get a very close up view of a vagina and the most seductive smile imaginable. In my case, you get hauled of fucking stage. There I was on stage, lid down on my back, a beautiful woman straddling me. She takes off my shirt in front of a shit tonne of strangers, jiggles my boobs around while still in a bra and then what? Off with the fucking bra! We exchange some smiles I crawl off stage, boobs still out and fix myself, shortly after my brother's friend walks in, thank god the timing turned out the way it did.
Now I have men the age of my father telling me how great my tits are, the people I went with think I'm a crazy freak of nature and the old man next to me is giving me high fives and buying me drinks.
I'm drunk, I seen titties, I've showed my titties, the night is going amazing. I'm spending more money of strippers, I'm making Jake get on stage ( my boyfriend got his hairy bare ass smacked on stage and also got kisses from the hot bartender because he looks like john lennon) The night is flawless.
It's 2 o'clock and in 1 hour no more drinks are being served. Next stop, dance bar. Here I am at konfusion, grinding, dancing, hands everywhere. Small spaces and lots of bodies. I'm dancing with god knows who, touching their god knows what and I fucking love it. I lost my wallet with my fake id, and real id. But it's okay we'll worry about that later because my id worked a second time at this bar and the night is young and awesome. I dance up a storm, I dance with everyone. I love life.
Next stop CBTG's. The black mask brigade is playing and I catch the last song and a halfwhile dancing with Jake and a stranger.
Next stop CBTG's. The black mask brigade is playing and I catch the last song and a halfwhile dancing with Jake and a stranger.
Next i score some subway and when I was ready to go home it only took a matter of seconds to get a cab. This night was crazy, this night was fucking ridiculous, I loved this night.
Free admissions to the strip joint, never bought a single drink, made a bunch of creepy old man friends, saw a shit tonne of titties, stripped on stage, danced up a storm, saw a deadly band, got subway, my id fucking worked some how. This is the crazy mother fucking story I've been waiting to write.
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